Ever had those moments when your spouse hits a nerve during a discussion that turns into an argument and quickly turns into World War Three? We all have, and coincidentally, when you look back is sometimes hard to pinpoint where it took that shift. All you remember is the offense and the scar left from it. You are left with the pain of it all brewing inside, tempted to make drastic decisions. The worst thing is the lingering feeling of having to look at your spouse in a different light because they disrespected you. Now, having to bring that person you love down from the pedestal that you had them on is heartbreaking. It can be very challenging to have the discipline to see it coming and choose to walk away. At that very moment, we all have free will to engage or choose to walk away before anything has a chance to escalate, but it is not that easy!
Often times the emotional damage has a long-lasting effect that sets the tone of the future of your relationship; this is where reflecting can be a useful tool.
When you pause and reflect on the good and the bad and really take time to identify any hidden issues that can be at the root of it all, it can be the turning point you need to move forward happy. It is important to be aware that the emotional injury that comes with the fight can have a long-lasting effect and does open the door for future misunderstandings to escalate. But how do you find that discipline to step away in the middle of a heated argument, especially when your spouse is the one that keeps adding fuel to the fire as you try to manage around keeping your temper in check? Even more so, during that very moment, you may be internally fighting your own demons to keep your cool, and the other person just won't let up or even be aware of your inner struggle. All the classes, all the training, all the sermons, all the years of preparation not to fall into the default of our sinful nature goes out the window when one person decides to cross that line. Then what?
You are left with a scar. If you know what is scar is, you may know that under the skin, there will be scar tissue formed during the healing process. When God made our bodies, He created them to be able to have the ability for muscles to heal from the damage we do to them daily. The interesting thing about scar tissue is that when your body heals itself after an injury, that layer under the scar is never the same. The new tissue formed is tough, and while the muscle fibers run up and down, these new fibers are like a spider web, which is good and bad. So what does scar tissue have to do with emotional wounds? Well, sometimes scar tissue may need attention because it begins to get so tough that we need to go to physical therapy or get a massage to loosen it up to restore mobility or range of motion to the area, but it does make that area stronger regardless. Likewise, when our spouse crosses that line, trust is damaged, and the security of the future of your marriage is now questioned. You must be intentional to seek the help needed to heal the relationship and ask The Holy Spirit for wisdom to help you sort things out.
One useful piece of advice is to reflect and spend time digging up those hidden issues to find a resolution and prevent future outbursts. Finding balance in your relationship is key. Maybe your spouse comes from an upbringing where if there was a fight, it was fixed with an "I am sorry," but you are the type that sees the offense as the end of it all. Maybe your outburst hurts them so deep emotionally that it causes them to withdraw from what they normally give day in and day out, feeding into it more and more each time it happens. It is very important to discuss with your spouse how they feel about this sort of behavior ahead of time; that way, you have an idea what their reaction stands to be ahead of time and also holds you accountable because there is a line you should not cross regardless of how upset you are.
How many fights do we have to endure before we realize that the enemy is not our spouse? The Devil is out there waiting patiently for that open door into your marriage. Why would you give him the keys to walk right in? The enemy can use anything to harm
and separate you if you give him the opportunity, and we do just that more often than not. Even more, what happens when you address the hidden issues and have prepared yourselves spiritually to fight any battles that may come your way, but one spouse falls into the trap of the enemy by reacting in the very way they promised never to do? What then? Is there a magic recipe to prevent arguments, fights, and confrontations? Sadly, there is not. The Bible has plenty of scripture to tell us we will walk through the valley, and we will have to endure battles. One thing is for sure there He is with you!
Ultimately, you know you have free will. You can choose whether you snap and can choose to step away before things escalate. Know that each action has its own consequences. If you step away, you can have a peaceful discussion to find a resolution at a later time. If you choose to go toe-to-toe, you need to have a present that if you cross the line, there will be a consequence. Choose wisely; the wrong choice may carry a price you can't afford to pay.
