Forgiven and Forgiving

Forgiveness doesn’t mean we automatically reestablish the relationship with someone who hurt or abused us.  God may actually want them far away, but to experience true freedom, we must forgive as God has forgiven us.

Are you struggling with or have you struggled with forgiving?  We all have, but do you understand how this is hindering your relationship with God?  You are being robbed of freedom, peace, and joy.  You are truly letting someone rent space in your mind and life for free while they continue enjoying life and remain miserable.  This is an area definitely hard to overcome.  Of course, it's hard to forgive an ex-spouse. It's hard to forgive and pray for someone that screws you financially.  It's hard to forgive and pray for a mother or a father who left you.  It is hard to forgive and pray for people that you know talk about you, but to have freedom, we need to learn how to let go and let God. We need to learn to submit to what God instructs us to do.  We must, little by little, continue building that spiritual muscle.  

We can start by studying the word, especially the book of Matthew, and by investing in personal development resources.  We intentionally take the words we read in the Bible and truly believe that God does reward those who forgive others with his own forgiveness. We learn to let him fight our battles.   When we follow the teaching of Mark 11, you then learn to experience true freedom and make room to hear from our heavenly father directly.  Go to him as a friend, confess, and pray to do better.  Be honest with him; he knows you are human, and it takes time to peel off years of hurt and abuse. 

Only by having a personal relationship with God can a relationship be restored by the gift of grace. 

We live in a world now where it's hard to say no to the distractions of the flesh, especially with social media and Google making it so easy to stalk those who hurt you.  It is easier than ever to feed the flesh, and the enemy knows that, but you must be intentional and disciplined to starve that desire, and this can only be done by feeding on the word to drive out unforgiveness and make room to hear God's voice.

Broken Beautiful

The other day there was an issue that came up and for some reason I remembered this famous mother goose poem. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

As men we bear the responsibility to make our wives feel that we are their security. Security and trust in a relationship are the glue that holds everything together. 

What happens when we fail and fall? 

As men, we try not to hurt our spouses by saying little lies that we believe will have no consequences, but that is so far from the truth.  Our words have repercussion and just like the little rhyme says they couldn’t put humpty back together again. I know what you’re thinking, it’s a little extreme, but understand that once that trust is shattered you might put it back together but it will never be the same as before. 

So, I challenge you to be mindful when tempted to speak a little white lie. A simple lie can steal the security of your wife.   Many long marriages have cracks but they continue in perfect imperfection because there is a belief that together they can handle what ever the issue is.  It’s in the cracks that we can look back and admire the marriages that have weathered the storms. 

My brothers and sisters in Christ, renew your mind every day and cherish what God has given to you, especially your spouse. 

Humpty couldn’t be put back together by all the king’s men, but we know it’s the King of Kings that we serve, and no matter how broken we are, HE can put it back together for his purpose again. 

“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:22-23 NIV

The journey

Life is a journey, but journeys turn into adventure when you find your compass.

Who is that compass that makes you laugh, love, and live?  Living your life to the fullest comes through investing your time in your relationships. Many men and women put careers, friends, and even possessions above the people who really matter.  Who is that person you can’t live without?  Who is that person you can’t stop talking to?  Who is that person that you can confide in without worries of judgment?  Who is that person that at three in the morning you can call and they would be ready, willing, and able to help you?  True friends never stop being friends.  When answering any of these questions, did your spouse come to mind?  If not, why?  Self-reflection comes from understanding that your spouse is, and should always be, your go-to and all other relationships are extra in your life’s adventure.  

Reflect for a minute on the day you got married and looked into their eyes.  What did you feel?  Why did you feel that way?  That feeling of amazement should be how you always look at your spouse. This is the secret of how you date your spouse for life.  Love doesn’t stop because life got in the way.  Love becomes stronger because life couldn’t stop you from talking on and talking the problems out.  Together forever seems like a long time until days turn into months and months into years.  When you finally look back after years of marriage and the kids have left to live life, you will wonder how time got by so fast.

Live, love, and laugh every day because life is too short.

Faith

We were at a class and the topic of discussion that came up was about faith "what does faith mean to me" to be exact.   After spending some time thinking about what faith means to me I came up with what I believe is the accurate definition of what faith is in my life.

Faith

"A peaceful and confident journey, trusting and knowing that Jesus is walking with me while God is ahead of anything that I face, whether good or bad, but either way ending with the gift of eternal life."

What would our lives really look like if we actually lived this out?  What effect will this have on your marriage? Imagine waking up each morning, opening your eyes to see Jesus right there, ready and waiting to walk out the day with you.  What would that feeling be like? Would you feel intimidated, confident, nervous, on guard, safe, loved?  How would this change your actions, behavior, and responses throughout the day? 

 I mean, we say we have faith but  we wait to encounter difficult situations to pray out to God often seeking resolve for what we go through but how about if  walk out in faith ahead of time?  Think how different our lives would be, how many setbacks  we would  avoid, how many arguments would we prevent if we actually walked out the faith we speak about, pray about and learn about.

I challenge you to start your day imagining Jesus walking beside you each day so that you can enjoy a peace that surpasses all understanding, so that you can experience a new relationship with our Father during your time here on Earth.  Psalm 121:8  says, "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Let us embrace this scripture and really believe what we say we believe, as God is already ahead of anything we can encounter.

A Transparent Marriage

Check yourself

It is so easy for us to quickly loose our temper and have a plan of attack when faced with situations where people take advantage of us and hurt us, if you are like me your mind rushes to plan out your revenge, you can see it playing out in your head to make those who hurt you pay for their actions. Then there is a minute where the Holy Spirit takes control and says Remember Jesus' teachings, the bible says to be slow to anger.

We all struggle with issues sometimes beyond our control that can escalate. As Christians, we are called to forgive, "be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Although it is not always easy, we should check our attitude as well as our motives before becoming angry with others.

Paul gives us some sound advice on the appropriate approach: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:19–21).

A Transparent Marriage

Stop Normalizing Toxic Behavior

Ephesians 6:11  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

All of us have memories of watching family or friends in a relationship and witnessing how they attempted to kill each other at one point or another while calling this type of behavior love.  Some of these stories serve as good gossip here and there during family gatherings; when you look at the big picture, these families have normalized toxic behavior in front of their children. This type of example then becomes the norm for them, and the cycle continues because that is what they saw modeled in front of them and, to some degree, becomes normal behavior.

Changing relationship dynamics as you grow spiritually is tough and takes a whole lot of time and a whole lot of discipline. It's easier to focus on the pain and challenges than to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, especially because Satan is crawling around looking for an open door into your life in an attempt to continue to rob your peace. His game is always the same: find you without your armor and attack to keep you from breaking a generational curse.  He has got plenty to keep you busy with, if you let him! 

Remember, you must hate the sin, not the sinner.  The first step to keep the enemy at bay is taking his power away, letting him know that you are aware that it is him you are fighting and not your spouse.  These battles are won together as ONE!  Join forces with your spouse, sit, and have these difficult talks ahead of time.  It is a matter of having a plan of action to identify the attack and commanding the enemy to flee because he has no power. 

One way to get started is to set your atmosphere, invite the Holy Spirit in, and just worship.  Satan cannot enter your home once you create a space of praise and worship. You and you alone have authority against his plot to divide your family.

A Transparent Marriage

Riches are in the niches, Invest in your marriage

I heard the phrase "Riches are in the niches," and it spoke to me in a way that made me go down the rabbit hole of deep thought.  I searched and came across this definition of niche: “Any small, specialized market”.  If you think about it, our lives have so many different markets: from a spouse to a job and to our children.

 

Each of us compartmentalizes our daily activities so much that we create niches.   So, are the riches truly in the niches?  Yes, if you invest in the right niche.  I believe the place you will get the greatest return on your time is investing in your marriage. I honestly believe God ordained a specific way we are to treat our spouses. I also believe that by modeling a peaceful and loving family that you create a mold for your children to follow for generations to come. 

It’s the little things that don’t cost anything like the  undivided attention  you give them and taping into your  imagination and creativity to create memories. Do practical things each day to make your spouse and your children happy. Take the time out of your crazy day and send a text to say I love you or better yet a simple phone call to hear their voice. 

Have date nights with your spouse!  Go try new restaurants, go to the  movies or a  comedy show.  Go dancing or volunteer,  all these activities  bring you closer to align a purposeful marriage.

Be creative!  Turn a dog walk into a picnic. Turn errands into an ice cream stop.  Surprise your spouse with lunch. Attention to your spouse in even the smallest things creates memories and feelings that are hard to forget, especially when you have bumps in the road, which every marriage does.

If you make a mistake, own it and take responsibility by saying “I’m sorry” but not an I’m sorry to end the argument but one of truly feeling the otherperson'sn side.  Your marriage is your richest niche. Make sure to pray and meditate daily on all the blessings The Lord has given to you but especially for the partner The Lord has granted you. 

A Transparent Marriage

To Hell With This

When you are sharing your life with another person, it can be easy to face situations where you feel like you want to throw in the towel and even assume an attitude of " Who cares what other people think and say "To hell with this".  Yes, "to hell with this" we often say when something as simple as you getting fed up or easily irritated with some of your spouse's habits that early on you found adorable, but while sharing your life with them now makes you want to pull your hair out.  It can be more serious than adultery, lies, emotional abuse, drug abuse, or physical abuse.  A lot of you have said "to hell with this" at one time or another because that is just the answer that fills that hunger quicker in your marriage at the time versus taking it to God!

  

Imagine if we approached each argument and said, Toto, God, I go with this?  To God I go with this lustful thought, I go with this pornography, to God I go with this filthy mouth, I go with this affair, to God I go with my finances, to God I go with this anxiety, to God I go with this generational curse, to God I go with this business, to God I go with my children, to God I go with my spouse.

We are all sinners; there is no doubt about that.  Marriage doesn't come with lifetime guarantees; the enemy knows that.   The enemy also knows that God's plan for marriage is to display God's glory to all of creation.  In Ephesians 5:25, we get a glimpse of what a husband's love should look like, and it's none other than a reflection of Christ. Love your wife as Christ loved the church.  There aren't enough words to describe how great that love is!  In Ephesians 5:24, it calls for wives to submit to their husbands in everything., This is perfect if your husband is submitted to living a Godly life, but what if he is not? Therefore, it leaves you with the option of   "to hell with this" as an easier way out than going to God for answers.  

The Bible is clear in God's design for marriage and we learn as Christians that we need to be fully equipped to fight the battles that we are faced with. The enemy is  prowling around waiting for the perfect opportunity to come steal and destroy. Your job is to put the armor on every day. Ephesians 6:11.

Be encouraged to equip yourselves with scripture, prayer and worship daily, anticipate that the enemy wants to  use your shortcomings to divide you. He is the real  enemy you need to fight together and send him back to the hell he belongs to,  choose to take it to God over and over again.  That is how you win in marriage!

Are you really trusting him?

Are you really trusting him with your marriage, children, finances, and other relationships? Do you see God as something out there somewhere in heaven, or do you truly see him as the God of provision with whom you may develop a real relationship?

The reality is that most people will die, and God will have always been a stranger - even for people raised up in the church or to those who convinced themselves they believed in Him but never took the next step.  When we are open to creating an intimate relationship with God, our life continues to change in this pursuit.  A true relationship with him means confiding in him even when it comes to even what appears as nothing worth discussing. These talks range from every decision you make, like a simple purchase, job offer, friend in your life, business deal, or even raising children. You are God's child and friend. Nothing you could ever do will separate you from His love due to His grace.  Regardless of how many times we think our sins and behaviors push us away from Him, His love for us will never end; it is unconditional. He is there to walk with us through our valleys and storms. He is our strength when we are weak and our provider in times of need. When allowed, He will be there to listen patiently and reveal His desires for our lives, all in due time. 

God asks of us one thing- to take a step of faith. All He wants is for us to give Him a chance. God is perfect and there is not a single thing about you that he doesn't already know and accept. He loves you, all of you and just wants to accompany you in fulfilling every single need in your life. All He asks is that you allow him be console you during your heartbreak, pain or struggle. 

When you get a taste of the love God has for you, it is only then that you accept nothing less. You will reach a point of understanding that no one can ever love you in such a way- not your spouse, your children or your parents. Put Him first and you will see the dynamic of all your relationships shift due to His perfect plan.

 

Remember, your life is a reflection of God's love, He want to bless your marriage but you have to give him access first. God is not invasive. God is not that person that will invalidate your feelings or criticize you for making certain decisions as if you should have known better. God is just that friend that picks up the call at 2pm or 2am and listens.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

Relationship goals

Wow, wow, wow!  Relationship Goals  by Michael Todd, this book embodies everything a transparent marriage is.  The book went on sale April 28, 2020, and immediately an instant best seller, reaching millions around the world.

For those who have no idea who Michael Todd is, you are just missing out.  Pastor Todd of Transformation Church in Oklahoma is by far one of the most real of our time. His ministry continues to reach millions around the world every Sunday with his message to represent God to the lost and found for transformation in Christ.  In 2019, his relationship goals message went viral on YouTube, and God continues to speak through him and his wife with this new book, ok which is just the beginning. What if you do nothing else this year for spiritual growth and personal growth least be encouraged to follow pastor Todd and Transformation Church, as God is using them to bless millions.

So Relationship Goals, what does that mean?  It sure means more than the cute selfies and posts we see across social media going viral and single ladies using the hashtag #relationshipgoals, which by the way, at the time of this article, has over fifteen million searches on Google.  That is actually 15 million people seeking something for their relationship, and rest assured, it is more than a cute picture to post.

Our friend Webster defines relationships as a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings and defines ga oal as the end toward which effort is directed. Simply put, it's safe to say a relationship goal for a couple is being with someone and working together toward a set of goals. Those goals, to name a few, can be work toward marriage, family and wealth.  The problem is that to win in these areas requires work, it requires being in one accord, and most of all, a lot of God along the way.  

When it comes to marriage, a book like Relationship Goals is perfect because it goes into a raw look at how to win in dating, marriage, and sex.  You can read thousand of books on the subject but it won't mean a thing to you becauseforr us to be encouraged on a personal level we need to hear from those that have walked through the valley and come out victorious and it is only by sharing their struggle and vulnerable transparency that we can learn from their mistakes and learn how Gods grace is sufficient for all of us to survive the storms of marriage. 

Remember free people free people, when you share your struggles giving God the glory He continues to give you the wisdom to win in relationship and that is the ultimate goal.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

How do you choose to walk today?

You can either walk through life with God frantic or you can walk through life with God peaceful knowing that He is working in your favor because He is faithful and has promised to take care of YOU!

Let the Lord fight your battles. "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" Jeremiah 33:3

Keep God first, and watch how blessings overflow your life.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

The right now life

Can you say, "I have maximized every moment with the people I love?" The definition of maximize is to increase as much as possible. Let that sink in!

The right now life doesn't mean changing everything you are doing by quitting your job and moving to Europe and starting your dream life. What it means is, take every moment as a life experience and apply that as the foundation for the voyage of your dreams while never forgetting that the most important moments come from your family. 

Right now life is about changing little things that establish your future walk in life. What can you do right now to maximize your opportunities in love, family, and business? 

Reflection: Big waves start as little ripples and have the power to turn into a Tsunami with the right environment.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

A quarantined proof marriage

In just two months in 2020, we were a nation of fans, churchgoers, and travelers. Now we are a nation at home. A nation of Zoom meetings not only for us but for our children. In all this turmoil, I remember reading that spousal abuse is on the rise. It made me think about what could be the cause of this. Is it that we live our lives so fast that we are accustomed to not spending time hearing our spouses? Is it that our jobs have been our priority instead of our marriages? And now that we are in quarantine, we have to share every moment of our day with our significant other that we have taken for granted.

Why do you reflect on the first time you met your spouse? Was it a funny encounter? What were your first thoughts? Was it love at first sight, or did you grow to love them as you got to know them? During this time that everything is on hold we should be listening, listening and listening some more to what they are saying and understand our spouses feelings. Do you have an issue that needs to be resolved? Has your marriage been struggling, but you keep putting off the important things for another day? Now is the time to look at this quarantine, aka reset, as an opportunity to invest in your marriage.

Be encourage you to try some of these ideas:

Order food that you had on your first date.

Try to find the first movie you saw together.

Make vision boards, one for the places you have been to in the past and the second one of where you want to go, put on it your hopes, dreams and aspirations for the future of the marriage.

Find value in the time together by creating new memories. You can do this by cooking, listening to music and dancing together.

Love in a marriage is like a plant. You have to water it and give it light so it will grow. If this crisis is the new normal, then don’t let your past normal dictate the future oofour marriage. Go back to the beginning and remember what made you want to marry them I the first place.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

Slow down and enjoy life

In the world of today everything is about speed and convenience.

When we are hungry we pull up an app and our food is brought to us by a driver. When we want instant answers we google it or better yet we ask siri or alexa. We have become accustomed that anything we need, is right there in front of us! Yet, know that God doesn’t always work in such way. Not having instant answers and convenient situations in our lives makes us think that God doesn’t answer our prayers.

Timing is not our timing. Sometimes patience is truly a virtue in today's society of our fast-paced living. Time seems to equate to money but never living our life. We trade our time for money but not for God. I believe each of us was bought at a price with certain gifts to give to the world.  It's those gifts that we should use to help others. By mentoring and volunteering our time we can become angels and messengers of God on this earth to spread the gospel of Jesus.  It is through slowing down and realizing life's too short to run your race at someone else's speed. 

Slow down, enjoy the ride and help someone each day reach their goals and you will see how God opens doors that you thought were impossible.

Tip for couples:
Find opportunities to come together as one in sharing your talents. Volunteer at a food bank or homeless shelter. Talk about the experience of helping others on your journey of being a messenger for Christ.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

A transparent marriage

What is having a transparent marriage winning in weakness?  What does that look like? 

He covers me
I cover him
We cover each other
God cover us both

Celebrate your weaknesses, for each day in Him, you are strong.  Let your testimony be a story of victory.

John 10:10 I came that they may have life and may have it more abundantly. ... But I came to give life—life that is full and good. ... I have come so that you might have life—life in all its fullness.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atrasparentmarriage.com

Finding our treasure!

How about if daily you decided to take an inventory of your deeds, to make sure you do good because when you go home to your eternal life you want to make sure you are rewarded, You don’t wanna look around and think "had I only did this or that on Earth I would have earned that and that in Heaven", be led by that feeling of pleasing The Lord in all your ways versus impressing man so that you can hear Well done, good and faithful servant, You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" Matthew 25:21.

Heaven is real! Jesus died for us to live eternally, that is so crazy, still to this day we can awe in the ultimate sacrifice, a sacrifice that easily goes unnoticed as we live each day.  A sacrifice that we don’t deserve, a sacrifice that will guarantee us free entry through heavenly gates some day. 

Wow, Wow, Wow. Can you just imagine the magnitude of what that means? People will mock us, will put us down and will talk about us because we know something they don’t know yet. We found the ultimate treasure and It has the name of Jesus.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

New normal?

Get used to the "new normal".  Everyone was talking about it and spreading a tremendous amount of fear about our new normal with Covid-19 surprising us early in the year 2020 but how about we choose to say "Get used to a new reset" instead?  Enough already of dwelling on the fear that the world will never be the same and feeding into society's standards of the unseen and what's normal to them.

A definition for reset is set again or differently. How about working towards making our future better by resetting our habits, resetting our priorities, resetting our time, resetting our focus, resetting our goals. Think of how would the world look like after achieving that instead of wasting time fearing the worst by simply choosing to reset our mindset.

What if the new normal they keep talking about turns out to be that people are kinder, there is less crime, families are closer, and relationships are healed?  So what if we may have to wear a mask for longer than we thought and learn to be extra careful as the country reopened? If you are blessed to open your eyes and take a breath each morning, the possibilities are endless for the kindness you can spread each day.  Be encouraged to spread kindness and hope; it does not cost a dime, and it is of immense value to those around you and yourself if you open up to be the light in someone else's darkness.

In the face of crisis we have witnessed over and over how the world comes together showing love and being of service, the resilience people show is inspiring. This is a perfect time to be just that, to show the world how resilient we are and that we accomplish more if we work together in one accord. 

Be the one who joins the movement of love, hope, and kindness instead of the one spreading fear of the unknown. While we don't know what three, six,  or twelve months will look like down the road, know one thing: if you opened your eyes this morning, you have purpose and another shot at resetting your mindset from fear to faith.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

Stepping stones that lead to God's miracles

There are miracles taking place all around you, but are you aware? Do you realize that we can tap into scripture any time we need His provision in our life?  God knows our hearts, our motives, and we are flawed humans, that we are sinners, but yet his grace pours over our lives.

Faith the size of a mustard seed is sufficient to move mountains for His miracles to overflow your life, Mathew 17:20.  God will allow the testing of the enemy just like He did with Job to grow us, to teach us, to mature us and to see our true heart and once that happens, He will suddenly reward us for being obedient and will spring us into a new season where the harvest is abundant. Do you realize that God's word says, "you have not because you ask not"? James 4:1-2

Today, I encourage you to find some stones that lead to His miracles. Stones, you ask? Yes, stones, for us stones look like this:

Fill the atmosphere with worship songs, we go to the word and remind God of His word and promises over our lives believing the miracle is ours before it comes to fruition. We look the enemy in the face and command Him to flee because we are covered by the blood of Jesus, and He has no power.  We really tell him, “Get the Hell out, devil, and take your demons with you,” and He sure does!  All fear, worry, and anxiety go with him.

Next we do as pastor Todd from Transformation Church says in His faith series “Faith finds friends” we find at least three friends, prayer warriors to pray with us, over us and believe with us that God is the God of the impossible.  Believe God can grant us the miracle we are believing for.   We surrender completely, surrender all our cares and desires to Him and only Him.

Lastly, we have go-to verses of God's promises over our life and write them down so that when the enemy attacks, we pull up the verses of His promises for the battle.  Being prepared will stop the fear of the enemy in its tracks.  Habakkuk‬ ‭2:2-3‬ says then The Lord replied,' Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it lingers, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” We sit still and wait patiently for Him to work His miracles and get ready to receive and give Him all the glory.

You have not because you ask not! True Story: Our test became our testimony, and yours will as well!



A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com