Walking the walk

As Christians, we know that the men and women of God will fall because the only one who was sinless was Jesus.  We put faith in our pastors as they, too, get up every morning to fight an enemy that is well aware of their weaknesses, which we know nothing about. 

If you are blessed to get fed weekly from a pulpit, remember to remove that man or woman and focus on the message, not the messenger.  Stop glamorizing these flawed humans, stop being a groupie and a cheerleader about their lives.  Focus on the word, not the human.

While these men and women are entrusted into ministry and we do all hold them at a high standard, yes, but they are not Jesus, the enemy will continue to prey on them because he knows that is the quickest way to discourage both new and seasoned believers. 

Yes, moral failure needs to be exposed because we serve a God of excellence but please stop making your religious walk about church clicks and glamorize those in leadership, make it about the word instead so that when you hear about these things you can separate the two without affecting your walk and allowing the enemy to use those situations from discouraging you and your family from the spiritual walk ahead of you.

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Fight the Fight

Some people are meant to stay in your life forever pouring into you and you onto them and some just for seasons.

When God allows people to distance themselves from your life, see it as a way of protection; not everyone has your best interests at heart.  Some go away all on their own because your light shines so bright it disrupts their darkness; others hang around while secretly envying everything about you, hoping to one day celebrate your downfall. We see it in families,  friend groups, co-workers, and even church folk. 

Stay vigilant, stay prayed up, and ask God to show you who the true prayer warriors in your life are and to discern which are not. The enemy doesn’t like it when you put your armor on, when you seek out true prayer warriors, or when you call him for who he is, the accuser.  This accuser is always lurking around with his own little petty army, using people in your life who are willing vessels to do his work.   Ask God to give you eyes to see and ears to hear what he wants to show you so that you can be prepared for battle.

Spend time being vigilant and aware of people who are quick to backstab, who envy, and who find joy when times get rough. This type of hypocrisy is sickening and it is hurtful, especially coming from a loved one, but we have to remember that they are not the enemy; the enemy is real,  he comes to kill, steal, and destroy what God has united.  This enemy is after our families, but we have authority in the name of Jesus; by His blood, we are covered from these attacks and already have victory.

Own it!

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What will you hear?

 “And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.”
Revelations 12:11

Do you realize you have a powerful testimony without all the theatrics and foolery you continue to post?

Take off the mask and lay off this sick need to get praise from man, titles, and recognition, and seek praise from your creator instead by truly sharing the gospel to save souls and create disciples.

God promises to take you from glory to glory.  You see, unlike the praise you get from man, which is temporary, God’s is eternal. 

If you are satisfied living in such a way, keep it up!  When your final act is called,  will God say “well done” or “who are you whose works I do not know?”

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Broken Beautiful

The other day, there was an issue that came up, and for some reason, I remembered this famous Mother Goose poem. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

As men, we bear the responsibility to make our wives feel that we are their security. Security and trust in a relationship are the glue that holds everything together. 

What happens when we fail and fall? 

As men, we try not to hurt our spouses by saying little lies that we believe will have no consequences, but that is so far from the truth.  Our words have repercussions, and just like the little rhyme says, they couldn’t put Humpty back together again. I know what you’re thinking, it’s a little extreme, but understand that once that trust is shattered, you might put it back together, but it will never be the same as before. 

So, I challenge you to be mindful when tempted to speak a little white lie. A simple lie can steal the security of your wife.   Many long marriages have cracks, but they continue in perfect imperfection because there is a belief that together they can handle whatever the issue is.  It’s in the cracks that we can look back and admire the marriages that have weathered the storms. 

My brothers and sisters in Christ, renew your mind every day and cherish what God has given to you, especially your spouse. 

Humpty couldn’t be put back together by all the king’s men, but we know it’s the King of Kings that we serve, and no matter how broken we are, HE can put it back together for his purpose again. 

“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:22-23 NIV

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Kingdom men prayer

Heavenly Father, I pray for Kingdom men to step into the gap for our children.

I call on real men to be shoulder to shoulder, to be the priests of their homes. 

To be the watchmen at the gates of their homes. 

To stop the influence of social media, fake media, and even real media.

To stand against the woke culture of this day. 

To bring a Godly perspective from our local, state, and Federal governments when, as men, we stop the nonsense of what a man and a woman are.

To bring real solutions to real-world problems. 

I pray for those brothers who serve and suffer from PTSD alone.

I pray for the peacemakers not only in our homes but in the world where the drums beat for war.

I pray for our children’s children and that the seeds that we plant in their hearts today will bear fruit for each generation.

I pray all this in Jesus' name, Amen.

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Hospital, Family, Army

Hospital, Family, Army.

A church is a hospital.  Hospitals are places where people go to get better and seek professional life-saving advice. A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club of the righteous. Yet, we as Christians sometimes forget that. We, the church, must elevate our thoughts of what a church is and apply the hospital definition in every way, from giving advice to sharing compassion that goes above and beyond all understanding. The church should be a family. A place where restoration and compassion bring closer connections to friendships. As a family, we must keep issues confidential. There are times gossip can ruin trust, not only at an individual level but at a church level.

How many times have you heard the phrase ”have you heard"? It’s those times we must capture ourselves and be honest in our hearts, not to repeat confidential information. When we have a family that is moving in the same direction, then it turns into an Army. Last but definitely not least is the Army of the church. By restoration and trust in family mobilizing in one accord, it becomes an Army.  The Army of the church moves toward a common goal. It shares in the wins and the losses for the Kingdom. It’s the sound of thousands that can be heard when they March in single step.  The Army shares the gospel. The Army’s voice is heard not only by sharing the gospel but also by standing for what is right. The Army boycotts and brings ungodly institutions to their financial knees. 

As members of the Army of God, we fly the kingdom flag wherever we go. Where we work, we open a base. In our home, we open a base where we shop we open a base. Where our children attend school, we open a base. We must open bases of the kingdom wherever we go.  We are millions around the world. Imagine if we all were in step not only in one house of worship but with all the Churches. Imagine who can be against us if we, in fact, mobilize one.

He may have a great army, but they are merely men. We have The Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!” Hezekiah’s words greatly encouraged the people.”

‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭32:8‬ 

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Adams where are you?

A couple of weeks ago, one of our Pastors was preaching, and he asked a simple question during the sermon. Adam, where are you? He spoke about how God was cut off from seeing his children. Sin had come between them. It was at that moment that they were cast out of Eden.  I’ve been waking up with the same questions for a couple of nights now, and this morning, as I write this, the sun hasn’t come up yet. We as men are the “Adams “ of the world. So I’ve been tasked with asking.  Adam’s where are you?

Where are you when we see social media being a tool of division instead of uniting us? We are like mice in a laboratory.  The algorithm feeds us our wants and desires to keep us happy for hours on our phones. We are addicted to information to the point we miss out to much of what’s going on around us.

Adam’s where are you? When the Gospel of love is being hijacked by the Lgbtq community to allow gay Pastors on the pulpit and gays in positions of power within churches, because we as men are told not to ask. 

Jesus is the prophet of love, but He also said it simply: “Go and sin no more.” Are we not called to be salt in our society of blandness? Do we sit idly by, seeing how our houses of worship are Lukewarm by being so all-inclusive that we would rather fill seats than share the message of sin and redemption? Getting back to the basics of what sin is will go a long way in not letting it hide in plain sight.

Adam’s where are you?

During this conflict in Israel. Do you chant the slogan from the river to the sea, or do you stay quiet? Do you pray for Israelis and Palestinians equally, knowing that war only brings pain to the innocent? Do you support terrorists or freedom fighters? Do you believe in the right to self-defense and to live in peace? As for one who made a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, I can attest that very few there realize how Holy that land really is. If they did, they wouldn’t send thousands of rockets over the skies of Israel.

Adam’s where are you?

When we see antisemitic protests. Do we know where the root of antisemitism comes from?  The fact is that antisemitism was born out of the church during forced conversions. From the inquisition to the crusades, even to the expulsion from countries, our Christian forefathers have much Jewish blood on their hands in the name of the faith. A past lie that has been repeated throughout history is that the Jews killed Jesus. Yet forgetting that Jesus himself could have called legions of Angels to his side for protection. He went willingly to the cross as the sacrificial lamb. We must, as Christians, know that history.

Adam’s where are you?

Do you share with those closest to you your internal struggles? The dark, hidden pain that trauma has made you forget, a pain that, if it were to come out into the light, you would feel embarrassed. We must remember we have brothers in arms that will stand in the gap, giving good counsel, even when we fall, there will always be hands to lift us up.

Adam’s where are you?

Have you, as a child of God, identified your generational curses in your family?  As a father and priest of your house, have you identified from both your lineages the wrongs of your ancestors?  Adultery, lying, cheating, stealing, addictions, anger, and envy.  A good father leaves an inheritance.  What inheritance will you pass on that is good for your future generations?

Adam’s where are you?

In these turbulent times, where right is wrong and wrong is right. Where do you stand with a man identifying as a woman to play women's sports? Where do you stand with society telling us not to offend anybody by calling people pronouns? By blurring the lines of what a man and a woman are, we are allowing people to believe they are God. By identifying as other than what you were born as, you are saying God made a mistake.

Adams, it’s time we not only ask the hard questions but seek the hard answers. Will we, as the Adams of the world, continue to stand idly by as the apple is passed around?

Adam’s wake up, for there are many battlefields that await us. Which field will you be willing to fight in?

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Leaning on Him

We often show our best to many people; we show what we want them to see.  Many men have a self-image, particularly of being strong. We forget how our true strength comes from Jesus.  A strength that surpasses all understanding. When we are weak, He is strong.

What is a strong man?

A strong man has strong values.

A strong man has integrity.

A strong man is surrounded by other strong men who will hold him accountable for his actions.

A strong man never gives his word without counting the cost.

A strong man puts God's word into action.

A strong man gives his strength to his children by being consistent in discipline, not by violence but by the word of God.

A strong man knows that God is the provider of all.

A strong man submits to his Lord and Savior by checking his heart and actions every day.

Now comes the hard part.  Are you a strong man?

“In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man’s house.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭3‬:‭27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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A Relationship Mansion

Every now and again, I’ll look up a house app and dream, like I believe many do by looking at mansions.  My mother has a saying I heard for years growing up: “ Dreaming doesn’t cost a thing.”  

I honestly believe that dreaming and praying for something opens the door for God to help you find your purpose.  While dreaming, I started wondering,  do I buy a run-down house in a rich neighborhood or do I buy a really big house in a not-so-good neighborhood?  I saw myself in front of a small house, and my wife came to mind. I felt The Holy Spirit show me a before and after of what a small house started as, and then a mega mansion with all these additions added onto it. 

I thought of how a small house is the perfect analogy for a new relationship. When you start off, the house is small, but as you continue to make memories throughout your lifetime, a room is added each time.  When you ride your bike together, an addition is added; when you go canoeing, an addition is added; when you cook together, another room is added; when you go on vacation, a room is added.  You see, by spending time with your spouse, you begin to slowly make your relationship a mansion.  The comical thing about this dream is that only when you stop to reflect and look at your past memories do you really see how big your small house has turned into a mansion. 

What house have you built with your spouse?  Can you sit down and write down at least a hundred memories of what you and your spouse have done together throughout the years?  If not, why?  If you can’t write down the memories, then you still have a chance to have a starting point to build your dream home. 

“They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭48‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Faith will be tested

Faith will be tested, hope will be tried, and love will be strained.

If we know Jesus went through all this, then how dare we complain about our everyday problems?
Courage comes in many forms.  Sometimes, it comes as an act of selfishness without thinking about it, but many times, it comes from facing your fear head-on.  The battle of the mind is where it begins.  That’s when The Lord shows up. He said to be strong and courageous many times in the Bible. We know Jesus won his mind battle the night before ever stepping onto the cross.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
Colossians 3:2 

So when difficulties come, remember that through testing comes pruning. It is the trials that God works most powerfully, shaping us into the spouses  He desires us to become more fruitful together in every season.

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The Marriage Creed

This is my wife.  There are many like her, but this one is mine. She is my life.  I must respect her as I must respect my life. Without me, my wife is breathless; without my wife, I am breathless.  I must trust my wife is true.  I must speak straighter than the enemy who is trying to fool me.  I must stop it before it tempts me.  I will. 

My wife and I know that what counts in war is not the arguments we have, the noise of our outbursts, or the excuses we make.  We know that it is the solutions that count.  We will resolve this. 

My wife is human, even as I am human.  Because she is my life, thus, I will learn to hear her.  I will learn her weaknesses, her strengths, her past,  and keep her sights on our common goals.  I will keep my wife clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready.  We have become part of each other.

Before God, I swear this creed.  My wife and I are the defenders of our home.  We are the masters of our home.  We are the saviors of our family.  So be it, until victory is ours and there is no enemy that can stand against us.  As we fight for our marriage as one! 

By William Ocasio

Copyright 2013

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Do not conform

How many times has something gotten you out of your comfort zone or, better yet, someone got you upset? In Romans 12.2, it says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”
‭
It begins by "do not conform". How many times do you conform with your attitude? How many patterns do you repeat before you realize it’s all in your mind? Anger, depression, guilt, fear are all tools the enemy uses to keep you stuck, and it stops you from living up to your God given potential.

So, how do you renew your mind? Renewal comes from reading the word. The Bible gives real-life examples of everyday people going through everyday issues. David had lust, Gideon had fear, Peter had shame, Jacob was a deceiver, and Moses had a temper; each of them went on to be powerful men only after they were renewed with God’s help.

Change comes from changing your perspective and believing that God will always make a way for you to conquer the little foxes in your mind.

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“Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together"

 

“Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭22:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Principle of being equally yoked.

In today's realm of dating, whether it be a man or a woman, attraction plays a major role in determining who you will date.
Today’s society sees dating and having sex as a normal process of getting to know the other person.
So to be clear, dating and courtship were supposed to be about getting to know that person more than on a friendship level. So many of the best marriages that have lasted are because two people knew the ins and outs of the other person and accepted the good with the bad.  In other words, they got to know the real person.

Even years after marriage, one of the most common sentences after a divorce is "I never really knew that person", "The person I dated wasn’t the person I married or they changed".  The Bible speaks of being equally yoked, but I found this passage to really illustrate how God sees relationships in a marriage.

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭22:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

How can I compare plowing with a marriage, you might ask?

Well, it’s simple. You see, when you plow or pull with all your strength, you need to be sure that the person pulling with you has the same desire and strength to get you toward your goal. In other words, the donkey next to you will never pull their weight in making your dreams turn into reality.

Next time you date someone, ask yourself, Is this person the one who has the strength and perseverance to finish our common goals, or is this person a donkey?

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The journey

Life is a journey, but journeys turn into adventure when you find your compass.

Who is that compass that makes you laugh, love, and live?  Living your life to the fullest comes through investing your time in your relationships. Many men and women put careers, friends, and even possessions above the people who really matter.  Who is that person you can’t live without?  Who is that person you can’t stop talking to?  Who is that person that you can confide in without worries of judgment?  Who is that person who, at three in the morning, you can call, and they would be ready, willing, and able to help you?  

True friends never stop being friends.  When answering any of these questions, did your spouse come to mind?  If not, why?  Self-reflection comes from understanding that your spouse is, and should always be, your go-to, and all other relationships are extras in your life’s adventure.  

Reflect for a minute on the day you got married and looked into their eyes.  What did you feel?  Why did you feel that way?  That feeling of amazement should be how you always look at your spouse. This is the secret of how you date your spouse for life.  Love doesn’t stop because life got in the way.  Love becomes stronger because life can’t stop you from talking on and talking the problems out.  

Together forever seems like a long time until days turn into months and months into years.  When you finally look back after years of marriage, and the kids have left to live life, you will wonder how time got by so fast.

Live, love, and laugh every day because life is too short.

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Is Jesus really driving my Uber?

One night, during my sleep, I was awakened and led to start praying. During that prayer, I kept seeing the word Uber. I felt the Lord telling me, "Uber is real". Coincidentally, I had heard that same day from a brother in Christ as, "the struggle is real". Yet, now God is telling me the Uber is real!

As I prayed, I saw myself calling an Uber through the app. I saw myself waiting for my car, and when it arrived, I saw Jesus driving the car. 

As I got in, Jesus already knew the destination.

I started to think about why an Uber and why Jesus were driving me around in an electric car.

While in the car, I realized if I say Jesus is in control, is He really the driver of my life? You see, when Jesus isn’t driving your car, you have the tendency to crash into things. I dug deeper into why He was driving an electric, and the charging station came to mind.  Similarly, the driver of our life could be called the church where we go for an hour or more, refueling and taking time to really recharge our batteries for the following week.  Being prepared to take on whatever road trip Jesus decides to take us.

Many times, we think our destination will make us happy, but it’s Jesus who truly knows what’s in our hearts to where He wants us to go.  Let Jesus be your daily driver. He will always guide our moral compass in the direction where we need to go.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Generational Provision

Let me be the Abraham of my lineage so that my children's children do greater things than I.  That the hand of God goes forward to my descendants. That the Holy Spirit follows my bloodline line day of their lives.

That my children follow and lead as heirs to your throne.  Father, give them insight beyond problems. Give them the love you have shown me. Give them the favor you have given me.  Give them the love you have given me, correct them as you have corrected me, and give them guidance as you have given me. Bring them favor in all circumstances. Open doors that you know they need to walk through. 

Let my descendants know you. Let them worship you in all they do in spirit and in deed. Let your army of angels protect them.  I dedicate my descendants to you, Oh Lord. I give you my all. 
You planted me, you rooted me, and you watered me. I bear fruit for you, my Father. I give it away freely, for you gave me freedom. 

“I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭9:9‬ ‭NIV

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Your body is the reflection of God’s temple

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19‬ ‭

The Bible says your body is a temple,  not your temple, but God's temple. So what exactly does that mean? In the most practical way of looking at this, you are merely a renter staying at the temple.
Yes, unlike a renter in our world, rent isn’t due every month but daily.  So, how do you pay your rent at the temple that belongs to Gd?

You can pay it in three ways:

One way is by taking good care of it by exercising, sleeping well, and eating foods that help your body, as well as having the discipline to stay away from food you know is unhealthy.

The second way is to visit His temple daily by meditating on His word. Take time to reflect on His grace and blessings that each day brings and gratefully recognize all that He has done for you. If you have worries and fears, that’s the time to bring them to Him.

Last but definitely not least, His temple is a place of reflection where His word shines. Your temple should reflect His loving character in all that you do.  In practice, show the world that od, by the power of the Holy Spirit, is your moral compass. Let your character in all you do, and be the lamp in the middle of the room that people need to see.

Share your experiences, not to boast but to encourage others with the battles He helped you conquer in the past. In the end, just be real. In a world where there is so much phoniness, being honest to who Christ called you to be is the greatest payment that you can give.

Lord, thank you for making my body the temple of your Holy Spirit.  Help me take care of it as a reflection of my love for you.

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Be the light

Darkness is the absence of light. I picture darkness being a cold and lonely place. People rarely gather together in the dark, maybe around a campfire that is warm and bright from the flames.   We are called to be the light to the world as Christians so I believe we are all born with a natural light, but only does it becomes magnified when we are seen through the magnifying lenses of Jesus. 

As believers, we are called to shine brightest in the darkest of hours.  Are you bringing light to your workplace, to your home, to your marriage, and to your children? 

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭NIV

The Bible says we are called to be a town on a hill. I believe the keyword is hill in that passage. Why hill, you may ask? Because something so high can be seen for miles.  If you have ever been to a big city like, let’s take New York, for example, New York is an imposing sight during the day, but when the sun goes down, you see how large it truly is by the lights of the skyscrapers.  Similarly, your light should bring forward not only clarity but also warmth. A warmth that surpasses all understanding at a moment of crisis, a warmth of forgiveness and understanding, and a warmth of compassion.  

Here are a few passages to meditate on:

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Faith

We were in a class, and the topic of discussion that came up was about faith, "what does faith mean to me," to be exact.   After spending some time thinking about what faith means to me, I came up with what I believe is the accurate definition of what faith is in my life.

Faith

"A peaceful and confident journey, trusting and knowing that Jesus is walking with me while God is ahead of anything that I face, whether good or bad, but either way ending with the gift of eternal life."

What would our lives really look like if we actually lived this out?  What effect will this have on your marriage? Imagine waking up each morning, opening your eyes to see Jesus right there, ready and waiting to walk out the day with you.  What would that feeling be like? Would you feel intimidated, confident, nervous, on guard, safe, or loved?  How would this change your actions, behavior, and responses throughout the day? 

 I mean, we say we have faith, but we wait to encounter difficult situations to pray out to God, often seeking resolution for what we go through, but how about if we walk out in faith ahead of time?  Think how different our lives would be, how many setbacks we would avoid, how many arguments we would prevent if we actually walked out the faith we speak about, pray about, and learn about.

I challenge you to start your day imagining Jesus walking beside you each day so that you can enjoy a peace that surpasses all understanding, so that you can experience a new relationship with our Father during your time here on Earth.  Psalm 121:8  says, "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Let us embrace this scripture and really believe what we say we believe, as God is already ahead of anything we can encounter.

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Be the lighthouse

 

In today's world of modern GPS gadgets, many lighthouses around the world aren’t being used for their initial intended purpose, but in many parts of the world, they still are.  During my quiet time, I kept seeing this image of a lighthouse on a beach. The funny thing is, I have a beach called Lighthouse Beach about two miles from my house, and I try my best during the summer to bike there at least twice a week. The keyword is try! In all my years going to the park and sitting on my favorite bench, taking a picture to show off on social media, not once did I really think about the significance of what a lighthouse is and what its purpose is.  

Lighthouses were built to be tall and imposing because the purpose is to stand in the harshest of times and still shine the light across long distances to help guide sailors to shore.

As believers, we are called to bring light to the darkness. How appropriate is that!  We are the lighthouses off the shores for people to look to. People should be able to see the reflection of Christ in how we listen and model a life of peace that surpasses all understanding.  Each one of us can be a lighthouse in our areas of expertise.  

You can be a lighthouse in your home by being a spouse who reflects the love of Christ, and you can be a lighthouse at your job, where people will feel comfortable in sharing and listening to a different perspective from you.  Many people are lost at sea.  As Christians and we must guide them to safe waters.  So the next time you see a lighthouse, remember its purpose and yours as well.  People will always follow the light in the darkness. 

 “Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:15-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Check yourself

It is so easy for us to quickly lose our temper and have a plan of attack when faced with situations where people take advantage of us and hurt us. If you are like me, your mind rushes to plan out your revenge; you can see it playing out in your head to make those who hurt you pay for their actions. Then there is a minute where the Holy Spirit takes control and says Remember Jesus' teachings, the bible says to be slow to anger.

We all struggle with issues sometimes beyond our control that can escalate. As Christians, we are called to forgive, "be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Although it is not always easy, we should check our attitude as well as our motives before becoming angry with others.

Paul gives us some sound advice on the appropriate approach: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:19–21).

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Step away, choose to reflect instead

Ever had those moments when your spouse hits a nerve during a discussion that turns into an argument and quickly turns into World War III?  We all have, and coincidentally, when you look back, it is sometimes hard to pinpoint where that shift took place.  All you remember is the offense and the scar left from it.  You are left with the pain of it all brewing inside, tempted to make drastic decisions.  The worst thing is the lingering feeling of having to look at your spouse in a different light because they disrespected you.  

Now, having to bring that person you love down from the pedestal that you had them on is heartbreaking.  It can be very challenging to have the discipline to see it coming and choose to walk away.  At that very moment, we all have free will to engage or choose to walk away before anything has a chance to escalate, but it is not that easy!
Often times the emotional damage has a long-lasting effect that sets the tone of the future of your relationship; this is where reflecting can be a useful tool.  

When you pause and reflect on the good and the bad and really take time to identify any hidden issues that can be at the root of it all,  it can be the turning point you need to move forward happily. It is important to be aware that the emotional injury that comes with the fight can have a long-lasting effect and can open the door for future misunderstandings to escalate.  

But how do you find that discipline to step away in the middle of a heated argument, especially when your spouse is the one who keeps adding fuel to the fire as you try to manage around keeping your temper in check?  Even more so, during that very moment, you may be internally fighting your own demons to keep your cool, and the other person just won't let up or even be aware of your inner struggle.  All the classes, all the training, all the sermons, all the years of preparation not to fall into the default of our sinful nature go out the window when one person decides to cross that line.  Then what?   

You are left with a scar. If you know what is scar is, you may know that under the skin, there will be scar tissue formed during the healing process.  When God made our bodies, He created them to be able to have the ability for muscles to heal from the damage we do to them daily.   The interesting thing about scar tissue is that when your body heals itself after an injury, that layer under the scar is never the same.  The new tissue formed is tough, and while the muscle fibers run up and down, these new fibers are like a spider web, which is good and bad.  So what does scar tissue have to do with emotional wounds?  

Well, sometimes scar tissue may need attention because it begins to get so tough that we need to go to physical therapy or get a massage to loosen it up to restore mobility or range of motion to the area, but it does make that area stronger, regardless.  Likewise, when our spouse crosses that line, trust is damaged, and the security of the future of our marriage is now questioned.  You must be intentional to seek the help needed to heal the relationship and ask The Holy Spirit for wisdom to help you sort things out.

One useful piece of advice is to reflect and spend time digging up those hidden issues to find a resolution and prevent future outbursts.  Finding balance in your relationship is key. Maybe your spouse comes from an upbringing where if there was a fight, it was fixed with an "I am sorry," but you are the type that sees the offense as the end of it all.  Maybe your outburst hurts them so deeply emotionally that it causes them to withdraw from what they normally give day in and day out, feeding into it more and more each time it happens. It is very important to discuss with your spouse how they feel about this sort of behavior ahead of time; that way, you have an idea what their reaction will be ahead of time and also holds you accountable because there is a line you should not cross, regardless of how upset you are.

How many fights do we have to endure before we realize that the enemy is not our spouse? The Devil is out there waiting patiently for that open door into your marriage. Why would you give him the keys to walk right in? The enemy can use anything to harm 

and separate you if you give him the opportunity, and we do just that more often than not.  

Even more, what happens when you address the hidden issues and have prepared yourselves spiritually to fight any battles that may come your way, but one spouse falls into the trap of the enemy by reacting in the very way they promised never to do? What then?  Is there a magic recipe to prevent arguments, fights, and confrontations?  Sadly, there is not.  The Bible has plenty of scripture to tell us we will walk through the valley, and we will have to endure battles. One thing is for sure there He is with you!

Ultimately, you know you have free will.  You can choose whether you snap and can choose to step away before things escalate. Know that each action has its own consequences.  If you step away, you can have a peaceful discussion to find a resolution at a later time. If you choose to go toe-to-toe, you need to have a present that if you cross the line, there will be a consequence.  Choose wisely; the wrong choice may carry a price you can't afford to pay.

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Are You A Servant In Your Marriage?

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:23‬ niv
That passage might be one of the most famous passages in the Bible.  Sometimes, when I’m battling myself inside, I often repeat that passage.  What does it truly mean to be a servant?  In today’s world, the word servant has a bad ring because many people confuse it with slavery.  A serving heart is where action and belief come together in doing what’s good for others. 
Every day, we have to choose to be selfish or be a servant.  As a servant of the Lord, what does it mean to serve?  In the context of marriage, being a servant is to serve your spouse. 
To serve and help in any way possible, from the little things to the big things. 
‭‭You see, when you do the small things as a servant, the big things will come easily. 
It’s making your servant heart line up with your actions.  Serving to me is being attentive to our spouses' needs.  From helping with kids, laundry, or making dinner if she's running late from work. 
I will admit that at times, as a mom, I want to focus on relaxing after a long day, yet I notice my wife sometimes doesn’t have that luxury because she feels the need to cook and clean the minute she walks through the door, even though she just worked all day. In those moments, I find my heart tugging at me to make sure that doesn’t happen, so I take a quick walk around the house to see if anything is out of place before she gets home.
Husbands and wives, remember we all play a part in being a partner. When one falls short, the other should be able to pick up the slack.  Love is a wonderful thing if you see your spouse from the perspective of a godly servant; in return, you are investing in your marriage to have a lifetime of peace and happiness.

God bless you and your Marriage

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You can't heal if you can't reveal

We read in the Bible about walking through the valley and fighting battles, and we are also assured that Jesus is with us every step of the way.   If we know Jesus walks with us through the storms we face in this lifetime, we also understand that they have a pruning effect on us.  Through struggles, we learn how much we need Jesus.  What if we change our perspective and learn to fall in love with our struggle instead of dwelling on how bad the situation looks to the human eye?  If we identify that the enemy is attacking us because we matter,  we can own the power of our struggle!

Pastor Michael Bulkley from Kingdom Life Church in Milford, CT, said it best during one of his many sermons in 2017, "Not all truths are meant to be shared with everybody, but they are meant to be shared with somebody.  If you keep your stuff, it can never be used to help someone else".  So many marriages end in divorce because they simply faced struggles alone.  They spent years putting on a mask, keeping up with the Joneses, while behind closed doors, their marriage was dying more and more each day.  

How many of these marriages could have been saved if they had just trusted someone enough to help them sort out the issues before they became so unbearable, ending in divorce? It is no different than someone who seeks professional help for anxiety; you sit with a professional, discuss your triggers, and they send you home with coping skills or, if needed, some medications to take the edge off.   Why is it so hard for us to find help to save our marriage when there are thousands of tools to help us prevent it from ending in divorce?  

One common factor is the lack of transparency fueled by pride.  We get married, post on social media portraying a perfect family, and refuse to admit to anyone when we are hurting because we either have too much pride to ask for help or are too concerned about what others think of us.  This is exactly where the enemy wants you, alone and isolated.  Instead, if we learn to surrender, making ourselves vulnerable enough to share our struggles with others and choose to go to God for wisdom, He extends a grace and a freedom that helps us grow and understand that there is power in our struggle.  Your struggle is not for you; it is to help others get free and to give God the glory.  When you share your story, it opens the door for God to move and help others, but you have to keep your motives in check.  Ask yourself, are you trying to belittle your spouse, or are you truly seeking to repair your marriage by defeating the enemy to grow stronger together?

Know that struggles never end for believers.  When you choose to give God the glory over everything you endure, He will put the right people in place to lift you up, the right people for you to confide in, and He will walk with you through the struggles.  Find your tribe; ask God to reveal those people who truly need to be in your inner circle and those who don't belong. Not everyone deserves your trust; ask God for discernment to see who is genuine. If you want your testimony to be a blessing for others, you have to allow your transparent brokenness to be used by God.  

Be encouraged to pray for God to cover your marriage and submit to the Holy Spirit and each other every day, and you will surely experience a peace that surpasses all understanding.

For when I am weak, then I am strong 2 Corinthians 12:10

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